Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
