Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
