He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
