the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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