Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
