The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
