please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
