he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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