Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
