He had one of those small greek statue penises
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize