hotel room ftw
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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