Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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