please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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