Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
