just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
