This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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