I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
