the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Randomize
