sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
