She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
