Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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