Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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