Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So many bounce houses so little time
Hippo gnu deer
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
