WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
