it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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