Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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