I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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