First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
