Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
