I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
