Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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