and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
