so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
