He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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