we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
