Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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