Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
