so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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