We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
it's like iHOP with fire
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
