Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
