I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
