I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
People with herpes should wear stickers.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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