Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
