Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
