I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
