What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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