JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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