Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
