Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I touched a dick in church today
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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