At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
