I showed him my bush... on skype.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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